"Life Is What Happens To You When You're Making Other Plans"

"Life is what happens to you when you're making other plans". My mother said this to me when I was a little girl and I learned later on that this was a quote from John Lennon. With my daughter starting first grade tomorrow, my son beginning daycare, my birthday coming up shortly, my gray hair becoming more prevalent, the appearance of my first two sun spots, and the possibility that I will have to walk away from my full-time job at the end of this school year, I have been doing quite a bit of thinking.

I've been thinking a lot about the conscious choices I've made in my life - to get married, have children, work as a counselor, start a business. Those are all wonderful things and I am completely blessed...And of course, I've been thinking about the negative things that have happened in my life that have thrown things off course and changed my life forever - my parents divorcing, my husband being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer at only 33 (he's ok now thankfully), losing my grandfather, and losing two babies within a year. A huge question remains - would I change any of these horrible things? They have completely influenced who I am today...People say to me all the time that things happen for a reason - whether you agree with what has happened or not. I like to think I am stronger because of these things, but who knows...

I may need to walk away from my job at the end of this school year because of a lack of a before and after school care program in my daughter's school. I originally set it up so she can attend school in the school district I work in, but the daycare program in that school fell through at the last minute. Divine intervention or crappy luck? Was someone trying to tell me not to mess with the way things are supposed to go? Thankfully, some neighbors offered to watch her this year until I come home from work. Then, I have the ultimate decision of whether I should walk away from a job I've loved for 10 years and my many friends. It's not that I don't want to be a stay at home mom full time. I would love that too...I might even have more time to blog ;)

I think the idea scares me beyond belief because what runs through my head is, "Life is what happens to you when you're making other plans". People who know me well know that I'm a "What Ifer". I say, "You make it sound like it's a bad thing, I'm just examining things from all sides" :) In all my soul searching and obsessive thinking, I know deep down that I need to go with the flow and let go of the "what ifs". My kids will be better for it.

Thanks for letting me ramble today :)